i'm all out of ideas... everything i have to say is in my other blogs. i always find it funny when i have a clue about what i'm going to write and as soon as i sit down to write it, its gone. it happens so much now. i try to write and all i produce is crap. it isn't fair. i want a little happiness in my life. that happiness, right now, is writing. and if i can't have that, what is there? i have people tell me i need to do something to occupy my time. i got nothin. all i do now is clean and try to write. the cleaning is working out fine. i'm even setting records for myself. i can clean a really, really dirty kitchen in less than fifteen min. now. but that doesn't matter. what i want...well, what i want is happiness. and i don't know what to do to get it. i'm tired of everything that is happening around me. people all around are getting what they want and who they want. and i'm here, as if i'm on the front porch looking in. and its cold and lonely out here. i want it to change. but i don't think it will.

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