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i love the new school year. most of my friends think im nuts for wanting to go back to school. truth is, i love school. i like seeing my friends everyday and i like being away from home for a couple hours. (saves me from cleaning the kitchen throughout the day).

i also love the fact that the school boundaries are now changing. theres a new high school opening this year. so, now there are three high schools in this area and everyone has to be moved around. im staying in the same high school i was in last year. can't say the same about some of my friends. the good thing about the boundary changes is most of the people i hate are leaving and NEW GUYS!!! theres always the promise of meeting someone new. so, i can't wait for this year. i can see my friends and watch the new male residents at my school.

why is it that sometimes what you thought you wanted may not be what you really wanted or needed? or, everything is going great, then turns for the worst.

everything you wanted, everything you thought you needed, wasn't what you thought it would be. the surprising thing is, you don't hurt as much as you thought you would. you slowly forget about him/her(whatever you prefer, depending on whos reading this) and you move on. you begin thinking about whats going on around you and look forward to the possibilities of the new year. the new year can bring so many things: new friendships; new relationships; being really happy with someone who actually wants you.

you will always be friends with the person you thought you always wanted. because, no matter how hard you try, they will always be in your life.

but, that person won't hold the same place in your heart that they used to. but, they won't probably notice or even care.

so, take notice of whats aound you and don't sell yourself short. there are always bigger and better things out there. you will find somebody. don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

what you want isn't always what you need. what you need may be out there somewhere. open your eyes.

why is it when you express your opinions, people become very mean. i told my friend amy (lovely girl...cough...cough...)that i didn't like story of the year. what does she do? she tells me to go play in traffic. i simply told her how i felt about something and she gets all hostile. i would never tell someone to play in traffic...ingest some bug killer...but not ot play in traffic...hee hee... maybe thats why no one tells how they feel about something or someone. they're afraid that they may get the same reaction amy gave me.

now for some advice. don't give anybody your passwords, locker combinations, etc. for instance, amy had my password for this because she is the one that got me on here. she set up my account. and because i said i didn't like story of the year, she went on to my settings and changed all of my things to say something about story of the year lucky for me, she saved it all and put it back before i changed my password. the only thing i didn't get back was my about me. being the nice(cough...cough) person she is, she sent it to me. so, now my page is restored. learn something from this, don't trust people that like story of the year... but thats just my opinion. love you, amy...

i'm all out of ideas... everything i have to say is in my other blogs. i always find it funny when i have a clue about what i'm going to write and as soon as i sit down to write it, its gone. it happens so much now. i try to write and all i produce is crap. it isn't fair. i want a little happiness in my life. that happiness, right now, is writing. and if i can't have that, what is there? i have people tell me i need to do something to occupy my time. i got nothin. all i do now is clean and try to write. the cleaning is working out fine. i'm even setting records for myself. i can clean a really, really dirty kitchen in less than fifteen min. now. but that doesn't matter. what i want...well, what i want is happiness. and i don't know what to do to get it. i'm tired of everything that is happening around me. people all around are getting what they want and who they want. and i'm here, as if i'm on the front porch looking in. and its cold and lonely out here. i want it to change. but i don't think it will.

why is it we always want something we can't have? wouldn't it just be easier to want something we can have? it would make life a whole hell of a lot easier. but, that would be defeating the purpsoe though, wouldn't it? people just have the natural instinct to be stubborn and difficult. it gives life a certain flare. it makes life a little more interesting,and exciting; as well as painful. wanting something we can't have is good for us as well as bad, i guess... its a breath of fresh air everytime something or someone new comes into our life. then, that person or thng can leave just as easily as it came. then its like being pulled back under. its sucking the air from your lungs...and you can't breath...your frantically trying to grasp onto something to pull yourself up...only it isn't there. thats when we break down and live inside ourselves for awhile...wondering why we wanted it so bad even though we couldn't have it...and knowing you couldn't. so why is it, something we can't have is so desirable? whats the point? does anybody really know? all i have are guesses. cuz no matter how hard i try, i don't understand and i just wish that what i want wasn't so hard to get... maybe its the thrill of the chase...

why is it when you're in a good mood, some a**hole tries to f**k it up for you? I'm not trying to sound mean...i'm very happy right now and its probably going to be short lived. i will probably talk to somebody soon that will kill my happiness...

then, there is that one person that you talk to that brings it all back...just like that. why is it that this person is always there, and doesn't realize how happy they make you? how hard is it to tell them how you feel at that exact moment? very hard...because you don't truly know how they are going to react. and you don't want to make yourself look like a fool and get rejected. so all you can do is sit there and let them make you so very happy inside and try to do the same in return... to make them feel the same way you do. and hopefully in time, they will open up to you and tell you that they have the same feelings... but until that day comes, stay happy and turn to that person when you need them... because as time has shown, they have always been there...maybe already feeling the same way...

what to do with a wasted heart
when you've loved someone for so long
and they lead you on.
They say they love you so you put
your heart and soul into them.
But in the end, all you end up with is
a wasted heart.
Which is really sad because
you loved this person.
They stole your heart and you gave it willingly;
because all you wanted
was for someone to be there
when you laugh and when you cry; for someone
to be there and say "i love you," once in awhile.
So when they say they need you; you smile and let them in.
But, in the midst of things, their charade falters; and they don't need you anymore. When they finally leave you for someone else,
all you're left with is a wasted heart...

Life:


There are good times and there are bad times. Mistakes are made, lessons are learned. Friendships are made, friendships are broken. You fall in love, your heart gets broken; yet you still have the strength to move on. You experience happiness, you grieve the death of a loved one; and life goes on. After all you've been through when your journeys finally done, you realize one thing; you have no regrets for the road ahead of you.

courtesy of my friend.